As I parked at my practice rink on Sunday night, I heard my text message alert go off (who could miss that chocobo wark, really?).

I grabbed my phone, and saw it was a text from my soultwin, Voldeloxx. I opened it, and here’s what it said:

“Congratulations, Captain!!”

The words, “You have got to be f*cking kidding me” may have escaped my mouth at that point.

I was in shock and complete disbelief.

For the past week, the skaters of the 2013 NJ All-Star team had been in the process of selecting two co-captains for the 2014 season. I was nominated, along with a group of wonderful skaters from various other leagues. Most of these women have way more derby experience than me, or have led their own leagues, or are much more well-known in the community. One of my best friends, and a girl who I freshed with from day 1, Oldskool (formerly the skater known as Dame Grohl) encouraged me to stick with it, and I figured, what did I have to lose, right? Oldskool has known me at my best and my worst in my skating career, both on and off the track, so I figured if she thought I should persevere, then I should. Right? Plus, I figured I could give it a chance, not really expecting to have a shot at it.

Then I got the text from Loxxie.

I just stared at it, probably for 5 minutes, sitting in the car outside practice.

Me. Captain of the NJ All-Stars team.

The little bambi who four years ago couldn’t roll forward on her skates.

The girl who was highly invested in the functionality of “locker stops.”

The skater with the janky knee and a donjoy custom knee brace.

The one with the crazy busy life who has barely enough time to sleep.

I could come up with a million reasons and every excuse under the sun not to be qualified for this.

You know what, though?

So what.

That same friend who encouraged me to stick with it said, “Half the team voted for you. They picked you for a reason. You can do this.”

She’s right.

I know she is.

I know I’m not the most skilled skater in the entire universe. Probably not even in the entire state of NJ. I’m scared sh!tless that I’m going to get cut when we have tryouts, frankly. But you know what? I’m going to do the best I can to improve the team for as long as I’m c0captain with the skills that I’ve got. That’s all I can do. That’s what I would tell my friends if they were having this “I’m incompetent” freakout that I’m having, so why can’t I tell myself that?

I *am* telling myself that.

Cocaptain of  the 2014 NJ All-Stars Roller Derby Team, Tifa Knockshard, signing off.

<3

Knox

P.S. To any 2013 All-Stars reading this, thank you for believing in me and giving me a chance to help shape us into something great.